We need to talk about that ‘Texas Rangers 2023 World Series champions’ banner.
The right path here is to ignore the quarter-sized zit on the super model’s face; how does one look away? Late Thursday afternoon and into the evening, the Texas Rangers held their party to celebrate what scientists, theologians and academics debated for years: The this franchise could actually win a World Series championship. On Thursday, the good Lord gave Arlington a beautiful day: Sunny skies and 73 degrees, ideal conditions to … close the roof at Globe Life Mall. Don’t ask.
I’ve given up. Just grab some Gorilla Glue and seal it all up. The place was packed. Sales at the team stores for new World Series merchandise were brisk. When manager Bruce Bochy and reliever Josh Sborz wheeled out the World Series trophy during the opening day pregame festivities, it was all perfect. And then came what everyone wanted to see. The banner. The 2023 World Series champions banner. Rangers PA man Chuck Morgan told the 42,000-plus in attendance where to point their phones, to the right of the Jumbotron in right field. A few seconds passed, and then
down she came in all of her glory. Or, at least the right side of the banner did. The left side didn’t want to cooperate. It was stuck for several seconds. Just gotta jiggle it; my guy says you gotta just bang it around, wiggle that thing a little bit and it should work just fine.
Then it came down, and there she was to show off to everyone who walks in here: The first World Series champions banner in the history of the Texas Rangers. The crowd cheered, but there was an awkwardness here. This super model has a giant zit that you don’t want to acknowledge but can’t ignore. And there was no way the Rangers could pop it right in the middle of their home opener. Directly on the “H” in “champions” is a wrinkle that stretches from the top to the bottom of the banner. An iron, or maybe one of those at-home dry cleaner kits, could take care of it. This is one of things that will drive all OCD Rangers fans away from the home stadium.
